My favorite quote of all time…

I came across a very interesting and thought-provoking quote the other day. It goes like this: By changing our intellectual paradigm-our attitudes, beliefs, and definitions we can stop expecting life to be something that it is not. Hmm [scratches head and blinks repeatedly]. Very rarely has a quote resonated so much with me. It really got me to thinking. Of course for the last 30 years I have had my own “ideas” about life and how I’m living it but one thing that always left me confused was the stark contrast between what we think life should be and what it really is. I know what you are thinking already. What is life really then? I won’t even attempt to tackle that one. It’s very hard to say but I can tell you what it sort of  means for me. For me it’s the dream job that I didn’t get. It’s having my heart broken into pieces. It’s moving to a new town and not knowing a single, breathing soul and having to start all over. It’s losing a loved one in death. It’s listening to others talk about their issues while dealing with my own stuff. It’s traveling to different places and depending on the kindness of others to help me make it through the day. It’s being there for a friend who has lost the will the live. It’s talking to people trying to figure out where they’ve been in life. It’s waking up in the morning, staring at my four white walls thinking, “what’s it all for”? It’s understanding that my parents are not perfect and that they won’t be around forever and neither will I. It’s learning to trust and believe even when I don’t want to. It’s not becoming jaded and cynical about every little thing. It’s accepting that I am not perfect, nobody is. It’s realizing that I don’t know very much at all and I’m not going to figure this one out. It’s learning to stop being my own worst enemy. It’s wondering who will take care of my mother if something happens to me. It’s watching my grandmother not remember who I am anymore.  It’s thinking an awful lot but at the end not getting too caught up in what I can’t control. I will stop here. Life is what’s actually happening while waiting for my life to begin. For me life doesn’t start when I get a new career, move to a different city or meet someone new; it’s already happening. It’s choosing to live in the present, not the future and certainly not the past. It’s accepting the ups with downs and actually anticipating them. I have also learned that if I base my own self-esteem on money, looks, people and things I am basically setting myself up for failure in this life. I have learned that just keeping busy doesn’t necessarily distract me from myself. I have learned that other people’s actions do not determine my self-worth. I have accepted that things don’t always work out, people disappoint you and fantasies aren’t compatible with reality but it’s all okay because tomorrow you get to try again. Now I know that may sound very glib but here’s the flip side to all of that. In between all that other stuff I mentioned above I have also had some great times and great people to spend it with. I have watched some sunsets that made me thankful to still be on this earth. I’ve had my heart broken but grateful to have a heart that loved in the first place (which led me to my dearest Nug). I have cried tears of utter joy. I have had someone tell me something so funny I could hardly breathe from laughing. I have made some truly wonderful friends, some old and some new. I have a wonderful family that loves and accepts me unconditionally. I have a roof over my head. I get to celebrate three years cancer-free.  I just have too much to be thankful for. That says it all I think.  I have stopped waiting for something or someone to come along so I can finally start living my life. I am trying to do that now so it doesn’t pass me by! 😉

Smiles,

E